When Father’s Day isn’t a Hallmark kind of day…

by Kim St.Andre

Are you there Dad?
It's me Kim…
Happy Fathers Day 

I can still remember you … the true you…

Before the voices

I remember being Daddy's little girl following you around everywhere whether it was fixing the car, doing yard work or even grocery shopping.

It didn't matter as long as I was with you … Before the voices

I remember what it was like when you would look at me and your eyes sparkled with love and joy… Before the voices.

I had you wrapped around my little finger "Daddy's Little Girl…Before the voices.

You made me feel safe & secure…Before the voices.

You empowered me and led me to believe I could be anything…Before the voices.

I remember being in a happy, loving family…Before the voices

To you Dad on this Father's Day I am grateful for you, the time we had together, the bond we had and the man you were…Before the voices

When Father's day isn't a Hallmark kind of day…

I gained a lot growing up with a paranoid schizophrenic Dad most importantly I learned true forgiveness and gratitude.

Father's day is bittersweet for me.
It's been a little over a year now since my Mom has passed I didn't get a call from my dad to comfort me or even check in to see how I was.
I forgive him for that because I understand his reality is not the same as mine.

My Mom
One of the last pictures taken of my mom, myself and 3 of our kids.

My sole surviving parent is now my Dad with whom I do not have a relationship with, mostly for my own well being.
I am sharing this with you in hopes that if you find yourself in a relationship with your Dad that is strained or wounded that you too can find forgiveness in your heart as well for you and your well being.

Life as a child with a paranoid schizophrenic Dad was well…crazy. 
We didn't know when my Dad was going to hear voices it could happen at any given moment. Even scarier was what the voices would tell him to do.

Before the voices I was Daddy's little girl after the voices my dad believed I was evil because the voices told him I was.

Little did I know at the time how much courage that would give me when my abilities began to open up. When you're a little girl being told you are evil by your dad it kind of takes the sting out of anyone else trying to tell you that as a grown adult because you are a Medium!

When my abilities opened up I panicked thinking that I was going to turn out like my Dad (even though I was adopted at birth and not his biological daughter).
The difference between the voices I hear is that I get validation on the information and it's never harmful information.

I have done a lot of forgiveness work on my past with my Dad. 
Something I found very helpful for me was simply using this sentence and filling in the blanks…

___________  I forgive you for _________. Thank you for teaching me _____________.

I have also done a lot of work with my inner child, little Kim. I must admit I put that off for a long time because frankly I thought it was pretty corny(Can you say Ego?). Boy was that a mistake! My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! 

Working on my inner child released a lot of fear and insecurity!

Please remember forgiveness is not for the person we are forgiving it is for us the ones doing the forgiving.
Resentment, anger, fear, hate those are all lower vibrations that will do real damage to your physical & emotional body!
Begin the forgiveness work now and do it for you and those who love you.

When we restrain from forgiveness we allow someone else to hold a pretty powerful energy over us.
Empower yourself and forgive!

I have forgiven my Dad and I am grateful for all he and his illness taught me. I believe we can forgive someone and even love them without having to have a daily relationship with them. We can leave that door open for the future possibility.

Hubby with our grandson
My husband with our grandson. Yep he's a pretty Awesome Papa too!

Father's Day is also a very happy day for me as well because I am married to the love of my life who is an amazing Dad to our 5 children! 
We both had a rough go of it with our dad's however we can be grateful for that because it allowed us to become very clear about the parents we strive to be for our children. 

I hope this Father's day finds you with a heart full of Love and Gratitude!

Find, Be & Stay True to You,
Kim

 

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